Saturday, July 23, 2011

Difficult surfing

This thought also came to me while meditating:

"Our default way of finding happiness in this world is to obtain or achieve something, derive some satisfaction from it, and then move on and attempt to obtain or achieve the next thing that we assume will provide us with some satisfaction. In other words, we are riding precariously on a moving stream of achievements to find happiness, but we sometimes fall off."

For years I have operated under the assumption that this is the only method of finding happiness that we as humans have available to us.

And I have struggled with it. At times, the surfing was easy; successes rolled in one after another, and there was little time in between to worry about the relatively minor problems in life. Life was good enough. But at times, the waves that life threw at me were treacherous and difficult to read. I was tossed around without direction; I questioned my every thought, felt I was worthless, and thought of happiness as something foreign and useless.

Such is the problem with using a moving stream of achievements as our path to happiness -- sometimes things are just not in our control. In fact, a lot of times. Permanent happiness is far from guaranteed when success is uncertain, and problems continuously arise.

It was only after practicing meditation diligently (and lots of reading) that I came to recognize that there is another way to find happiness, one that does not rely on the ever-fickle external world. Others explain it much better than I could, but I might sum up my understanding of it as the following:
  • there is no permanent self that can accrue benefit or loss;
  • living for individual achievements will therefore never lead to permanent satisfaction (as there is no permanent self to which those achievements can accrue);
  • insight meditation is the path to experiencing the truth of non-self personally;
  • through the experience of non-self, pure and complete satisfaction with the present moment is attainable;
  • such a happiness is permanent, lasting, and has no external requirements for continuation -- development of positive traits in the mind through meditation are its whole foundation, and cause it to persist throughout life.

While I cannot claim to have achieved such a lofty state, I can claim to be well on my way. Never before in any of my pursuits did I achieve feelings of peace and happiness that even approach what I feel now. However, through this pursuit [meditation], happiness has become a constant companion, even at the dullest or most painful moments in life.

Quit surfing. You'll never find stability. Build yourself an island, and live comfortably on solid ground.

Problems

I had this thought as I meditated under a tree in the parking lot at the AOL building:

"If you don't recognize that problems come from within and not from without, you will have problems all your life.

If you recognize their true origin, you have the potential to eliminate them permanently, one by one"

The explanation of this thought is the following: The problems in our lives appear to always come from the outside -- that person is being mean to me, I'm not getting paid enough by my work, I'm lonely because my friends don't talk to me. However, it is never the external situation on its own that is a problem. If someone is being mean, it only appears that way to us -- they feel completely justified in what they are doing. It's actually my desire to be treated with respect that is causing me anguish. If I feel I'm not getting paid enough, it is actually my dissatisfaction with the pay I'm receiving that is causing me pain. My friends not talking to me is not enough to cause loneliness in itself; it is my unceasing internal need to feel loved by my friends that when unfulfilled is causing me to suffer.

So long as we have strong needs and wants for objects or for circumstances to be a particular way, problems will continue to arise. Even as one problem is solved (I get a raise at work) another arises (I now am dissatisfied with the weather, etc.). So long as we cling to the view that problems are real, absolute, and caused entirely by forces external to our selves, they will never cease to arise. There is no end to problems for such a person.

However, as we begin to recognize that problems have their origin from within and not from without, we have the capacity to eliminate the problems entirely. If I realize that someone being mean to me causes me suffering only because I don't want that person to be mean to me (and not because they are objectively mean), I can work to eliminate that "want" through diligent practice, and I will soon be indifferent towards that person's actions towards me. (Perhaps I can even cultivate a feeling of positivity towards that person!). The same applies for the others: perhaps I can work to alter my strong desire for money, or eliminate the FOMA (fear of missing out) that causes me to suffer when I am alone.

But how can such softening or elimination of desires and fears be accomplished? Through diligent practice of insight meditation. I'll leave that to the experts, but I will explain what I've seen in my own experience. Through the process of observation and mindfulness of my own feelings and thoughts, the solidity of the aforementioned feelings (feeling hurt by others, wanting more money, feeling lonely) has softened tremendously. In fact, I'm now at the point where I can say that when someone offends me, I'm improving to the point where I direct a feeling of love towards them within a few seconds. I'm now at the point where I feel no need for money (besides what is necessary to pay off my school debt, rent, and food). I'm now at the point where I still enjoy the company of friends, but I quickly settle into a feeling of peace when I am alone, and I can savor the joy of silence. Progress comes through practice.

If you don't recognize that problems come from within and not from without, you will have problems all your life.

If you recognize their true origin, you have the potential to eliminate them permanently, one by one