There were a couple of realizations today during meditation. One was more simple, and is connected to the concept of impermanence. As I was walking, I noticed a lunchbox. But as I continued to pay full attention to my thoughts/mind/body, I noticed that my concept of the lunchbox was continuously in flux. This helped me recognize that even the things I habitually conceptualize are not actually solid, unchanging things.
The other was profound, and difficult to put into words. There seemed to be two parts to it. As I watched the ever-changing patterns, thoughts, feelings, sensations, etc., of my mind and body, I recognized a truth I had begun to see over the past few weeks: there is no self, only a constantly changing experience of the present moment. There is nothing solid and unchanging that remains from one moment to the next.
(I eliminated a subtle concept that had acted as a "sign" for non-self. As I fully experienced each passing moment during meditation, an "aha" moment came: that the only thing required to recognize non-self was not a concept or knowledge or an understanding -- it was to simply observe this ever-changing experience. I thought: "There is no self. The full and direct experience of the present moment is the proof.)
The other part of that experience was the understanding that there was nothing to achieve in the first place. Nothing beyond simply experiencing the present is required. There was no enlightenment, there was nothing to strive for, there was nothing that this current experience lacked. I now understand why they say that everyone has "Buddha nature" (as in "all people are enlightened in their natural state")
-----
EDIT: As of 11/21/2011, I still don't think I have eliminated the concept of self. I still think I'm relatively close, as I sit in non-self for short periods in meditation. But it was definitely not complete at the time of this post, nor was I as close as I thought I was when I wrote it! Still peeling away at the onion...
No comments:
Post a Comment