I read in one of the many books on meditation that I have (probably http://www.urbandharma.org/pdf/mindfulness_in_plain_english.pdf), that when you develop mindfulness, everything picks up a sort of softness.
After sitting for only 45 min today, I had some interesting insights (that thoughts become more solid not only because of the initial concept, but because there is a chain of concepts that follows that also "plant anchors" and trick the mind into believing there is solidity to a particular concept). But very interestingly, there is now a mental and physical sensation of softness that is pervading everything I think, feel, and do. The keys have a softness in their bounce that I've never felt before. All of the thoughts that pass through my mind lack a heaviness, and are soft in the way you might imagine a cloud to feel. Happiness pervades everything I think and do right now.
A lovely feeling, which will hopefully lead to more insights.
Monday, June 27, 2011
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
The beginning of the end
As a quick follow-on to the previous post, I am now confident that I am at the beginning of the end (of suffering). It is only a matter of time and sustained effort. Whether I will achieve that goal before my death, nobody knows. But it is not a terribly important concern
Transition
Today, I felt (with confidence) that I am making the transition away from the concept of permanent self. I'm fairly confident that I've found or am rapidly approaching an early stage of enlightenment (in traditional terms, stream entry).
There were a couple of realizations today during meditation. One was more simple, and is connected to the concept of impermanence. As I was walking, I noticed a lunchbox. But as I continued to pay full attention to my thoughts/mind/body, I noticed that my concept of the lunchbox was continuously in flux. This helped me recognize that even the things I habitually conceptualize are not actually solid, unchanging things.
The other was profound, and difficult to put into words. There seemed to be two parts to it. As I watched the ever-changing patterns, thoughts, feelings, sensations, etc., of my mind and body, I recognized a truth I had begun to see over the past few weeks: there is no self, only a constantly changing experience of the present moment. There is nothing solid and unchanging that remains from one moment to the next.
(I eliminated a subtle concept that had acted as a "sign" for non-self. As I fully experienced each passing moment during meditation, an "aha" moment came: that the only thing required to recognize non-self was not a concept or knowledge or an understanding -- it was to simply observe this ever-changing experience. I thought: "There is no self. The full and direct experience of the present moment is the proof.)
The other part of that experience was the understanding that there was nothing to achieve in the first place. Nothing beyond simply experiencing the present is required. There was no enlightenment, there was nothing to strive for, there was nothing that this current experience lacked. I now understand why they say that everyone has "Buddha nature" (as in "all people are enlightened in their natural state")
There were a couple of realizations today during meditation. One was more simple, and is connected to the concept of impermanence. As I was walking, I noticed a lunchbox. But as I continued to pay full attention to my thoughts/mind/body, I noticed that my concept of the lunchbox was continuously in flux. This helped me recognize that even the things I habitually conceptualize are not actually solid, unchanging things.
The other was profound, and difficult to put into words. There seemed to be two parts to it. As I watched the ever-changing patterns, thoughts, feelings, sensations, etc., of my mind and body, I recognized a truth I had begun to see over the past few weeks: there is no self, only a constantly changing experience of the present moment. There is nothing solid and unchanging that remains from one moment to the next.
(I eliminated a subtle concept that had acted as a "sign" for non-self. As I fully experienced each passing moment during meditation, an "aha" moment came: that the only thing required to recognize non-self was not a concept or knowledge or an understanding -- it was to simply observe this ever-changing experience. I thought: "There is no self. The full and direct experience of the present moment is the proof.)
The other part of that experience was the understanding that there was nothing to achieve in the first place. Nothing beyond simply experiencing the present is required. There was no enlightenment, there was nothing to strive for, there was nothing that this current experience lacked. I now understand why they say that everyone has "Buddha nature" (as in "all people are enlightened in their natural state")
-----
EDIT: As of 11/21/2011, I still don't think I have eliminated the concept of self. I still think I'm relatively close, as I sit in non-self for short periods in meditation. But it was definitely not complete at the time of this post, nor was I as close as I thought I was when I wrote it! Still peeling away at the onion...
Sunday, June 5, 2011
A beginning
I think it's a bit odd to start this blog well into my journey, but I suppose there's never a better time than now to get started. And please excuse the brevity of this and other posts -- perfection has been the enemy of getting started.
Basically, at some point in the past month or so, I recognized that enlightenment* (see below) in some form is not only attainable by normal people within this life, but that it is a worthwhile goal that I should strive for. I haven't by any means renounced this world or given up my ambitions. I recognize that those actions may be required to reach a "complete" enlightenment, but I also realized that earlier stages (of enlightenment) are indeed within reach, even for people living normal, working lives.
With that said, I'll take the next few posts to write about some of the history leading up to this point, as well as some specific experiences and practices that have given me great encouragement over the past 3.5 years. It hasn't been very long at all, yet I sense I'm on the cusp of something...
I hope you'll enjoy this (rather rambling) journey with me.
jeff
(* by enlightenment, I'm referring to the transformation of the mind to a state of great peace, and a mindset of openness [with the important distinction of the elimination of the concepts of "I", "me", and "mine"]. To be honest, I'm not very good at describing it. I think that the Buddha's description of the 4 stages is very clear, so I'll defer: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Four_stages_of_enlightenment. For those who want a summary, the 4 stages are: "stream entry" (elimination of the concept of self, recognition of the validity of the buddha's techniques for mind training, and relinquishing attachment to ritual). A "once-returner" has weakened lust, hate, and greed to a greater degree. A "non-returner" has eliminated sensual desire, and ill will. An arahant is said to be perfectly enlightened, having completely removed more subtle mental "fetters". But to put it back into "normal" words, each stage of enlightenment describes a person who has strengthened their mind to a given degree by removing harmful thoughts/emotions [things like hate/greed/jealousy/insecurity/sadness/etc.], as well as their sources. It's really just a scale with grades of different mental training, as you might put runners into different classes of training: "beginner" "amateur" "pro" "olympic athlete")
Basically, at some point in the past month or so, I recognized that enlightenment* (see below) in some form is not only attainable by normal people within this life, but that it is a worthwhile goal that I should strive for. I haven't by any means renounced this world or given up my ambitions. I recognize that those actions may be required to reach a "complete" enlightenment, but I also realized that earlier stages (of enlightenment) are indeed within reach, even for people living normal, working lives.
With that said, I'll take the next few posts to write about some of the history leading up to this point, as well as some specific experiences and practices that have given me great encouragement over the past 3.5 years. It hasn't been very long at all, yet I sense I'm on the cusp of something...
I hope you'll enjoy this (rather rambling) journey with me.
jeff
(* by enlightenment, I'm referring to the transformation of the mind to a state of great peace, and a mindset of openness [with the important distinction of the elimination of the concepts of "I", "me", and "mine"]. To be honest, I'm not very good at describing it. I think that the Buddha's description of the 4 stages is very clear, so I'll defer: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Four_stages_of_enlightenment. For those who want a summary, the 4 stages are: "stream entry" (elimination of the concept of self, recognition of the validity of the buddha's techniques for mind training, and relinquishing attachment to ritual). A "once-returner" has weakened lust, hate, and greed to a greater degree. A "non-returner" has eliminated sensual desire, and ill will. An arahant is said to be perfectly enlightened, having completely removed more subtle mental "fetters". But to put it back into "normal" words, each stage of enlightenment describes a person who has strengthened their mind to a given degree by removing harmful thoughts/emotions [things like hate/greed/jealousy/insecurity/sadness/etc.], as well as their sources. It's really just a scale with grades of different mental training, as you might put runners into different classes of training: "beginner" "amateur" "pro" "olympic athlete")
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