Some days are just incredible.
It's funny because today started off kinda badly. I overslept and missed my chance to meditate in the morning. I also was late to my meeting. Was then kinda grumpy for a while. Then, I caught myself being grumpy and got up and went to the bathroom mid-sentence (because I could see I was heading towards anger if I kept the conversation going) and sat in the stall and just breathed for 2 minutes. I was a little less grumpy after that, and it eventually faded completely and I was in a little better mood.
Then went and sat outside in the parking lot (at our new office) in the shade of a tree. Lots of car and construction noise, but it wasn't too bothersome. After 2-3 minutes it was clear that this was special. I could feel my breathing with almost no concepts whatsoever. It was just the direct sensations of breathing, particularly around my nostrils. (I wasn't thinking about visualizations of air coming in and out, or of where I was sitting, or how I was doing, etc). Thoughts randomly came into my mind, but they left quite quickly when I came back to the breath.
It just got more and more settled as I sat. I felt very "borderless" and self-less. Concerns and issues were nowhere in sight. I wasn't necessarily "concentrated" but was very mindful. At some point I realized I was totally free from all concerns (and that there was no self to protect, and no self to gain anything, including enlightenment). This realization continued with each moment, and I couldn't help but be incredibly happy.
Then I settled on the breath for a while, simply being mindful (for what else is there to do when there's nothing to be done?). At some point, the timer rang, which I was hoping wouldn't happen, since it was a very pleasant sitting. But I recognized that even wanting to continue meditating for hours was a form of attachment, so I let that go as well. I resolved to do a little lovingkindness meditation, and then go. I felt complete and total love for every living thing in the universe (and even for non "living" things like the pain in my leg, etc). At one point this image of this old female Thai Buddhist monk with a shaved head popped into my head. It was a scene from a documentary I saw, and I remembered how she just had this fantastic, genuine way of thinking everything was funny and great. Thinking about her laughing instantly brought tremendous happiness and love.
At some point, I thought it was enough, as I started thinking about lunch. I got up, brushed my stuff off, and came back inside.
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(this is an update I sent today to my email-based meditation group)
