All the time

I spent a lot of time meditating this weekend, a lot more than I have in recent weeks. It was really great to get back into it. I had forgotten how inexplicably wonderful it is.

I was riding back from work today and noticed how quiet and clean my mind felt. (It's so hard to describe the feeling, but so wonderful in every way). I felt more energized than I've felt in months. I thought to myself "how wonderful it would be if I could always spend this much time meditating"

But what I noticed was that I was still wishing for something that "wasn't". I wanted to be meditating, but wasn't currently. When I reflected further, I realized that I had gotten to this wonderful place for the exact opposite reason -- by sitting and seeking nothing. By simply observing. Through direct mindfulness of body and mind for the larger part of 2 days.

And that's when one of those "duh" moments struck me (where the words of all the wise people come back all at once) -- it is indeed very much about the present, and not about any other time. You can be mindful and meditative no matter what the situation. It just requires a very small amount of effort and awareness applied in the right way.

So little to get so much.

So I applied it on the bike ride. And was no longer missing anything. Just riding my bike, pushing hard, and all the while aware of everything as it came up.

(Also, I'm just very happy that I seem to be letting go of gains in the world of meditation. I just don't care if I "get somewhere" anymore. And it just feels so much more natural when I'm ok with simply sitting there and being mindful, and just observing whatever comes up. It's good enough!)

One last thing -- I'm so grateful that there are people out there who've been there and want to help us get there. What kindness!

Misunderstood Monks...

From Matthieu Ricard's blog:

The vocation of the hermit is often misunderstood. The hermit does not withdraw from the world because he feels rejected, because he can find nothing better to do than wander in the mountains, or because he is unable to assume his responsibilities. He decides to leave, a decision which may seem extreme, because he realizes that he cannot control his mind and solve the problem of happiness and suffering amidst the endless futile and distracting activities of ordinary life.

http://www.matthieuricard.org/en/index.php/MR/blog/237_lhermite/

(Similar justification for going on a meditation retreat)

mundane

Even the most mundane circumstances and situations can be wonderful if we are free. Who would think that "half an hour laying on the couch not thinking much" could be experienced as rich, full of sweetness and fulfilling?

When the mind lets go, every moment is ripe with limitless potential. Freedom can be found anywhere, it seems.

Beautiful Parking Lot?

After meditating for a few hours on Wednesday, my mind was in a very quiet and peaceful state. Beyond the usual feelings that accompany meditation, the "silence" of my mind was particularly notable. As I walked back to the car, almost no thoughts, reactions, subcurrents or urges passed through my mind. The world felt wonderfully silent and clear.

At that moment, everything was extraordinarily simple. I was just walking with my eyes focused on the ground in front of me.

I realized that when the mind quiets down, and the constant stream of thoughts/desires/anxieties fades, nothing remains except a profound sense of peace and beauty. As I walked with  eyes fixed on the ground in front of me, I directly experienced beauty everywhere. The feeling had been revealed; it was no longer covered up with my feelings toward the objects in my view, or with thoughts of something else ruminating in the back of my mind. It's something that's always there underneath the noise, but only becomes apparent when the mind is quiet and clear.

It was a beautiful parking lot indeed.

Making a habit

A nice post by a well-known blogger. How to meditate every day. (Hint, start small)

http://zenhabits.net/meditate/

Non-meditation

Over the past few years, I've been pretty good about meditating every day. At one point, I had gone almost 3 years with only about 5 total missed days.

Lately though, things have been tough. Work is a nonstop challenge, and sometimes I can only carve out 5 minutes for meditation before I fall asleep from exhaustion. Sometimes this happens for a couple days in a row. It adds to my stress when I'm not meditating regularly, but it has also been quite a revealing experience.

During these periods of non-meditation, I notice quite a few changes to my mind and mindset:

• I have a lot of thoughts of self-doubt and self-loathing. I sometimes catch my mind telling me that I'm worthless/useless/stupid/etc. "What am I doing with my life?!"
• I have a lot of regrets. Even if they're trivial, these regrets play over and over in my mind for hours or days 
• I react sharply to things/people that annoy me. Sometimes this hurts my relationships
• I snack impulsively
• I have a general haze of sadness or dissatisfaction that lingers over all my experiences. My sense of purpose and drive are diminished. I'm less happy.
• I'm attracted to things and people I know I shouldn't be paying attention to. (Particularly destructive/annoying is being drawn to women/girls other than Julia)
• I waste a lot of time on facebook, and get jealous of various things that are happening in other people's lives
• I agonize over decisions, and tend to be indecisive
• I worry more
• (and many more like the above)

While all these things are indeed unpleasant, periods of non-meditation are incredibly useful for reminding me of the value of keeping up the habit. It's amazing to realize that all of these problems are a complete non-issue when I meditate. Spending 30 minutes a day to wipe out everything on this list? Definitely worth it.

While I'm probably preaching to the choir (knowing the audience of this blog), hopefully this is motivation for you to meditate as well. It's hard for me to believe that 1) this is what life is like all the time for people who don't meditate, and 2) that they put up with it even though there's such a simple and easy fix. Just sit there and focus on your breath!

(OK, time to get out of this funk and spend a few hours on my favorite hobby)

After a run

(It seems it's quite easy to have interesting experiences immediately after a run, if I take a moment to "cool down" at the end before heading back to work)

As I slowly circled the parking lot, I daydreamed about some shady looking guys in a car coming out and shooting me for some reason. I thought, "faced with certain and impending death, what would I say [to them]?"

"I wish for nothing but freedom and happiness for all humankind. [Carry this wish forward for me]"

Remembering my true purpose in life (triggered by imagining my own certain death) suddenly brought forth immense calm and joy. I am not just someone working at a startup with many responsibilities. I am not just some guy named Jeff with a past history of so-and-so, and a house here and a car there. I am not defined at all by these things. I am nothing but what can be seen and felt right here.

There is nothing at all I need. My only wish is that all beings be freed from suffering. That is what matters in this life to me. There is nothing in this world worth clinging to.

Please find your happiness and peace.